In Loving Memory…Daniel C. Moody

So it’s been awhile since I last blogged & with good reason. This will probably be one of *the* hardest posts I will ever have to write. A lot of things have happened since my last blogpost showcasing the wonderful Zinsmeister family who bidded on a session with me to benefit Relay for Life. In that post I talked about how my boyfriend’s father was dealing with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After that was posted he was admitted back into a hospital where he remained until he passed on April 17, 2010…exactly one month ago today. Sadly, it wasn’t the cancer so much that took him but rather all the infections that come along with having cancer & having to do chemo. He was a fighter till the end, until the Lord called him home. I know from speaking with Bo that he mentioned before how he had talked with the Lord & that he knew it was his time & he was happy with that. That is the only thing that brings me comfort…that he is home & is no longer in any pain. Never, ever, not once did I think he was not going to make it…EVER! I knew in my heart that he could beat the cancer. I did not anticipate an infection getting out of control like it did. Towards the end I was still confident that he could beat the infection, even when there were a few times when he wanted to give up. But he hung in there for his family because we all wanted him here so desperately, selfishly even.

I didn’t go see him in the hospital…not once. I told Bo to tell him it’s because I’m waiting for him to come back home where I could go visit. I also know that he didn’t want anyone to see him like that…I didn’t want my last memories of him to be of him lying in a hospital bed, helpless. That was not him at all. I don’t regret not going to the hospital because it was more important to me that Bo, his sisters, his mom & his niece & grandparents spend as much time with him as possible. Afterall, you’re only given one set of parents. I also don’t believe in goodbyes…it’s “see you later.” I think I also felt that going was like giving up on him, like saying goodbye & I refused to do it. Granted I told Bo if he ever asked for me to come see him I’d be there in a heartbeat.

He had an amazing service & memorial where many good friends spoke in his honor. He ALWAYS worked way too much, we always felt that way…that he needed to slow down & spend more time with family. He worked, seriously, 7 days a week. He was a Postmaster for many years & most recently was Postmaster in Hertford, NC. He FINALLY retired on October 1, 2009. We found out a month later that he had cancer. He never got to enjoy his retirement or his time off. He never got to go fishing everyday like he had wanted to or have family cookouts with his new grill. But we did learn that he worked hard for his family & was torn between the long hours & not spending enough time with family. He worked those long hours to do good deeds for others…ALWAYS putting someone else’s needs before his own…ALWAYS! Now we know why he always had so many raffle tickets to things, gift baskets he had bought from someone, dinner plates to be eaten…anything to help someone else out. He was also so very proud of his country & served in Vietnam…even getting shot in the back. He is buried in the Vietnam Veteran’s section at West Lawn. He has an awesome Vietnam collection of pics that he & others took while over there. I’ve since scanned them & will have some of them printed & framed & others I will put together a slideshow. Anyone that knows me has more than likely heard me say on more than one occasion that I’ve always felt like I was born in the wrong time period. I should’ve been a hippie love child of the 60s-70s! So finding treasures like those pics makes me super happy! I love Woodstock, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Creedance…the list goes on & on.

If I’ve learned one lesson from all of this it’s that I work way too much, don’t spend enough time with family, or take enough time for myself. Things I’m working on changing. Life is way too short, people don’t live forever & you can’t take your money with you when you die…so get over it & start living…my new life motto.

This past month has had its ups & downs. Many days I can smile with happiness when I think about him & others I am filled with sadness & disbelief that he is gone. I’ve asked for signs from above from him & believe I’ve received them a few times…each time one of two things have happened…either a helicopter flies over (part of his job in Vietam…helicopter sniper) or one of 2 songs comes on…Elton John’s “Daniel” or James Taylor’s “Fire & Rain.” Mind you I am not a James Taylor fan, sorry James, but these 2 songs have been monumental for me. They were played back to back on the radio one night when I was driving home & had just gotten off the phone with Bo who told me they thought it was time he was going to pass. Ended up it was not his time that night but those 2 songs are with me everywhere!

We’ve celebrated 5 of our birthdays without him so far & one Mother’s Day. Christmas will be the worse. He would fill whichever beloved van he had at the moment with massive amounts of toys for his granddaughter. My fondest memories are putting all her crap together on Christmas Eve for hours!! He loved shopping & buying gifts. I’ll miss all that the most. We’ve also grilled out a few time with his grill & Dallas Cowboy grilling set. The Cowboys have another angel watching over them for next season…& did I mention I absolutely hate sports!

What I miss the most about him is his smile & his laugh & his stupid jokes…which were always pretty damn funny if I say so myself! But he lives forever in my heart & I can say proudly that I know he loved me & treated me as one of his own. I’ve said before that he joked many times that if me & Bo ever broke up that Bo would be out of the family! When I look into my crystal ball for the future, the thing that saddens me the most is that if me & Bo decide to ever have any children, his dad won’t be here to see that. All he ever wanted was another grandchild to spoil. Bo’s niece, Aaryn, was his only one…his other granddaughter was born & went to Heaven 5 days before Aaryn was born. His birthday, Haley’s birthday & Aaryn’s birthday were all 5 days apart.

And during the past few months my clients have been AHH-MAZING! During a time like this you find out who truly cares about you & your loved ones & I have some of the absolute best clients/friends. There were many a shoot where I pushed on because after all, life doesn’t stop for my upcoming brides who need their pics done & are getting married. Not a single bride of mine cared the least bit about their shoot, getting images back in time or rescheduling if need be..not a single one! That speaks volumes & means so much to me more than any of them will ever know! All my brides have been so selfless during this time. And my portrait clients have been the exact same way. Much love & appreciation goes out to all of you!

Also, during this time I had been emailing back & forth with a new client of mine. Her shoot is not until September. In the meantime she had asked me if I would consider doing a family shoot, as in her mom, brother, etc. I don’t typically shoot large family group shots. And during this time she had no idea what was going on in my life. When I told her I didn’t shoot large groups she said that was fine. Then something told me to reconsider. She actually ended up emailing back before I could & explained the situation & asked again if I might would reconsider. Her brother is a cancer survivor, the same type of cancer, & they really didn’t have any family portraits. He also was scheduled to have his routine checkup & tests to see if the cancer was still in remission. It’s a cancer that can come back at any time & they had been close to losing him before. I *knew* that this was a sign from above that I needed to do this shoot. I then emailed her my story & so we became email buddies & have never met. Their family shoot is in July & I can’t wait to finally meet them. Being able to email back & forth with someone who has been in the same situation was great! I know they were put into my life for a reason…whatever that may be. I then had emailed her after he passed to let her know & that I’d like for her to donate the session fee to the American Cancer Society in Bo’s dad’s name. She’s thrilled to do so! And she also emailed me that her brother is still cancer free! Yay!!!

Again, there are many amazing people that have been put into my life for whatever reason & for whatever the reason I am grateful!

So if you ever decide to donate money or time or anything to a good cause…please think about donating it to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. I know Bo told me once during the past few months that his dad was going to start donating money there when he beat his cancer. Knowing how he was & what he went through with chemo, I’m sure it saddened him to think of little children having to go through that same ordeal. I will definitely be donating funds this year to St. Jude’s. Bo & his sisters, mom & niece also recently did a Relay for Life walk in his honor…we got him a torch & of course they decked it out in Dallas Cowboy pics for him! I couldn’t make it to this walk due to being on a shoot but that’s okay as there will be many more walks that we will do!

And with that I will leave you with one of my favorite images I took of him back in 2007. I had the honor of photographing Bo’s sister’s wedding when I was first getting started. These are happy memories because 1. he was so happy that day & 2. everyone remembers he got drunk as a skunk!

You are missed everyday & we will always love you! We wear our lime green ribbons proudly in your honor! I know you’re dancing in Heaven with Haley & have Bubs & Whisper by your side!

xoxo
Amy